Social Commentary

Happily ever after

Below is a piece a friend of mine wrote in response to Aisyah’s agitated forever alone article. He is our first guest writer and this makes me extremely excited!! I think having more guest writers would be amazing!! If you guys have any interesting articles you’d like to share (or responses to any pieces we’ve written) just email them to thethorns95@gmail.com! You can choose to remain anonymous if you wish to! Anyway, holla to my friend who is shy and would like to keep his identity a secret: thank you dude and really good job!! Ok prepare to die of cuteness while reading this!! (‘:

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This is ramble based on Aisyah’s post titled: “why the concept of (romantic) love baffles me”.

Many of my closer friends would know that I thoroughly enjoy discussing/debating about things like relationships, marriage, and of course the lofty, fairy-tale-like, celestial, too-good-to-be-true idea of love. I find that a lot of people think that’s really strange for a guy. Like to think about such (gay) things. But hey, I am who I am.

But wait, who am I exactly? (HAHA check out that segue right there). I think it would only be fair for me to dish out all my bullshit theories/ideas on relationships if I provided my ‘qualifications’. So…presenting to you – all the details of my illustrious and scandalous relationship-life:

First relationship: Secondary 2
In a relationship now: Yes
Number of relationships in past 4 years: 1

Yeahhhhh that’s pretty much it haha. Ok I SWEAR I’M NOT BOASTING ABOUT MY FAITHFULNESS AND ALL. I’m just a really fortunate guy who got blessed with a really amazing girl and I’ve kept her in my cellar for the past four years so she can never escape. Hehehe. Kidding. On a serious note, I just wanted to start off by saying to Aisyah that no, I don’t think it’s silly at all to want your first to be your last – because I definitely still do.

Unfortunately, I can’t address all of Aisyah’s points although I would really, really like to!!! But no one wants to read a 100000 page post. BUT ANYWAY, MOVING ON.

I believe that:

  1. Love and like are not on the same continuum. Love is not a stronger or more powderful ‘version’ of like. They are different and distinct.
  2. Like happens. Love is developed.
  3. Like is a feeling and an emotion. Love is a verb (ã John Mayer ).

I KNOW IT SOUNDS LAME AND CLICHE, but just keep those three thoughts in your head, swirl it around and around in your brain, and I will raise them as I respond to Aiyah’s thoughts.

Okay, I’ve experienced my own fair share of crushes and whatnot, but I realised my feelings were often really REALLY superficial. Like I’d be thinking “wow it’d be totally AWESOME if that guy liked me” but then I’d think “a relationship? I don’t want that”

I think a lot of people can relate to this sentiment. But honestly, I think going into a relationship is a daunting experience for anyone (sure as hell was for me). And I find that a lot of times people expect a little cupid dude to shoot them in the butt so that they fall in love and instantly, relationships become a piece of cake.

However, personally, I don’t really believe in love at first sight. Now this is where all the hopeless romantics say:

“But what if you meet this girl/guy and they’re super humble and nice and pretty and have all the same interests as you and you all just hit it off straight away?”

Well simply put, I think this would be like at first meeting/contact.

Ok… but what’s wrong with liking someone? NOTHING! YAY. But that’s exactly what hinders many people from trying to date someone/go into a relationship. They think what they’re feeling is ‘superficial’, but guess what – liking someone IS about the superficial, and that’s normal! Many people might think: “I like my friend, I like my dog, I like my pillow, how can I only like the guy/girl I’m going out with?? I MUST LURV HIM/HER”. But… *drum roll*,

1. Love and like are not on the same continuum. Love is not a stronger or more powderful ‘version’ of like. They are different and distinct.

I like my girlfriend A LOT. I like that she’s pretty. I like that she dances. I like that her math isn’t very good so that when I help her with graphing techniques I feel really smart. And though I can also say now that I love her, I think it would be inaccurate to say that I truly loved her way back when we first met, started dating, or even when we first entered a relationship. Sure, I liked her – but love hadn’t arrived yet. After all… *drum roll*

1. Like happens. Love is developed.

&

2. Like is a feeling and an emotion. Love is a verb.

I think what I’m trying to say now is pretty self-explanatory. And I know Amirah’s going to kill me because this is too long, but essentially what I really want to say is that perhaps the reason why (romantic) love seems so ‘baffling’ to some people is because

  1. They’re waiting for it to come to them (it won’t)
  2. They’re afraid that it may not work out. (Aisyah mentioned this)

I thnk the second point is valid, things may fall apart. But I also think that if both individuals work hard to love (verb) over time, across circumstances and through communication and understanding, they will both emerge better people, regardless of whether they last ‘forever’. Couples that have bad and scarring breakups, I dare to say, either didn’t work hard enough to love (And it can be really difficult at times), or didn’t love at all – they liked, but didn’t (dare to/know how to?) develop their love.

I think true love does exist – but it doesn’t come easy. But that shouldn’t stop one from trying anyway; it’s a muscle that needs to be exercised consistently. TO MAKE IT STRONG AND HEALTHY.

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